Doing only the things that are important to you and your family and letting go of the holiday “to-do’s” that might actually be creating disconnection and not adding to joy.
I actually really love the holidays, at least I want to love them. I completely get and understand not everyone does. It dawned on me one year when I felt tired and relieved January 1st that I was letting plans, expectations and trying to live in the idea versus reality that I couldn't actually be able to feel present and enjoy them. I knew there had to be a way to feel more meaning and connection. It was hard as we started making some of these changes and having conversations with family to decrease the stress and expectations that had us frazzled. It's been noticeably altering in all the ways that really matter to us. Here's a few tips to consider in creating holidays with intention.
1. Ask yourself "Why am I doing this?". Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, "why am I doing this?." I think we often get into the expectation, tradition and busyness of the holiday season and feel like the holidays are happening to us and taking over. Take a few moments before all the festivities begin and ask yourself some hard questions:
What are your priorities this holiday season in your life and the life of friends and family? Are there certain events and traditions that feel meaningful and important you want to make time for?
What do you want gift giving to feel like this year? Are you worried about keeping up with expectations of family and friends? Being aware of these gives us an opportunity to actually look at them honestly, set intentions that really matter and to let go of the things that don't.
2. Be willing to do things differently then others. Have the hard conversations early in the season of letting family know that you are trying to get out of debt or are changing the way that you celebrate. Usually I find others are feeling similarly overwhelmed themselves. I love to give and receive thoughtful notes and gifts however I found the holidays to be a time of stress, fighting crowds and buying things for the sake of buying something. When I talked to my family about this it was more emotional then I expected. For some it was very important that they be able to give something. We ended up compromising and taking a trip and only giving one gift instead. The difference felt so noticeable and freeing as I wasn't powering through the mail or spending countless hours hunting online. Start with a check-in discussion and maybe even suggest alternatives that would feel better but in the end stick to what you need. The holidays shouldn't be financially and emotionally destructive which unfortunately when we don't take inventory or set boundaries they can be. We may inspire them to rethink the expectations they have also been struggling to meet.
3. Focus on the giving & gratitude. Giving is the heart of the holiday season right? But what does that need to actually look like? And as I said earlier how do I want this to feel? Like a stress or obligation? Or could it possibly be something that feels connected and inspiring. Besides giving thoughtful gifts to family and friends, there are ways that you and your family can give to others. Many organizations have campaigns this time of year and getting involved locally gives a sense of community to your giving at soup kitchens, shelters, or refugee centers to help those in your own city. Speaking of connection giving time and attention is a life altering intention. Start by spending quality time together with family and friends.
4. Think about how the holidays can really look. Rather than having unrealistic images and expectations of the holidays, take a few moments to think of what it could look like. Take time to envision the holiday season and involve everyone in the process. This holiday can reflect your values, beliefs, and intentions.
5. Give patience to yourself and others. Be sure to let yourself enjoy this season. If you're getting stressed, take a breath and refocus. If others push their expectations on you or disregard your wishes, extend grace to them but remain committed to your vision for the holidays. Understand that the expectations and traditions are emotionally triggering so try to communicate with understanding, but continue to be committed to creating an atmosphere where you can be present and experience joy.
I think most of us want less stress during the holiday season and more time to enjoy those closest to us. This is not about giving less or doing less, it’s about intention, being present and having meaning. It's freeing to realize our choices, boundaries and intentions can create that.