"It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly. Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves - to protect ourselves when it is necessary. It is impossible to learn to be Loving to ourselves without owning our self - and owning our rights and responsibilities as co-creators of our lives."
The above quote draws several important thoughts that can be rather liberating. I have had significant change in my life and have witnessed dramatic change in the lives of those who enter my office when we have a deep, true understanding of the "role" we play in our own lives. The idea that I am actively making choices and my actions have an impact on the life I am creating and the way I am engaging in relationships.
Boundaries are not about shutting people out or living fearfully. If anything they free us to be closer to safe people, more aware of our own emotions and becomes an indicator of toxic behaviors of others that we are not responsible for but they are choosing.
The beginning steps of boundaries begins with ourselves. Our own emotional self-awareness. What doesn't feel good about certain situations, knowing what I actually feel not what I think I "should" feel, or those around me expect of me. The next step is actually setting boundaries with others. This is where we become more aware of the feelings/fears/unnecessary guilt that cause us to not say no, let go or make different choices with others. Strengthening your internal boundaries is a process the process of living the"you matter and I do too" truth. It's where we are still obviously involved with the lives of others but no longer taking responsibility for things we can't fix, change, control or carry in/for others. Which is something we will never be able to do successfully and is often the cause of pain in all parties involved. If we remember any truth that can free us it's that I can't fix, change, control anyone ever.